Computers

I can never quiet reconcile myself to how much I depend on my computer. I hate my computer, yet, if it decided to quit on me, I really don't know what I would do.

Take my work computer for example. It's a relatively nice computer, it's not the uber-computer I would like, but it works, most of the time. Unfortunately for me, most of what I do for a living revolves around my computer. And when my computer decides that it's break time, I sit and stare at the screen in an unintelligent way, wondering two things: why did the computer die and what am I going to do now? Fortunately, my work computer doesn't stay dead for very long and after a few minutes of my stupid consternation, I am able to get the dumb thing back up and running. But the thought does run through my head, that if my computer doesn't come back on, then I really have no business sitting at my desk doing nothing, which, after a few minutes of filing, would be all I have to do for the rest of the day without my computer. And so, my job is dependent on my computer.

Now, I have been avoiding my home computer like the plague because it is worse than my work computer. Once I get the home computer up and running, it's ok. My problem with my home computer is getting it up and running. It takes FOREVER to load. I have no idea why, we aren't using a whole lot of the memory space. To be honest, my home computer reminds me of me in the morning before I have coffee: excessively sluggish and really cranky at being woken up.

However, what I can't stand the most about my computers is not the computers themselves, but what they make me realize about me. When I turn on the computer, either at work or at home, I realize how impatient I am. I get so frustrated that my computer takes one whole minute to warm up. ONE MINUTE!!! I can do so much in a minute. I can say hi to a co-worker, or file my nails or pick up the phone. Never mind that I can do all those things while waiting for the computer to load up, it's the fact that I have to wait.

The other thing I can't stand about computers is the fact that I am so dependent on them. Take right now for example. I can type what I'm thinking more quickly than I can write it out by hand. And I like to write. I can also share my opinions with anyone who cares to read this blog. I'm not saying these are bad things, but I'm saying that I'm too dependent on them. The world will not end if no one can read my pointless ramblings and the world will not end if it takes me twenty minutes longer to write what I am thinking. It really all goes back to the impatience thing.

Computers have helped emphasize my impatience. It's kind of like being able to look in the mirror and realize that all day long I have had a piece of broccoli stuck in my teeth. That realization will haunt me for the rest of the day, wondering how many people I talked to with that food in my teeth and what a moron I must have appeared. The reality is, I would have been much happier if I had never known about the broccoli in my teeth. The computer is the mirror that brings out my "broccoli" (impatience). Now I have to ask myself, would others be happier if I knew about the "broccoli" and took it out, or if I remained clueless?